Divine music

I used to say

Chopin is a genius

Mesmerized by Chopin’s mazurkas, polonaises, nocturnes and rondos, I always say, all other musics are mediocre

All those baloney pop songs turn into annoyance

Chopin is perfection

But that was before I realised

That the true and divine music is the feeling I feel in my heart every time i hear it

It addicts me

Now I feel like I cannot face the day without listening to the melodious tune of the truth

The Al Qur’an

Friends who will bring me closer to You

I have friends… not many… maybe only those who are there when I need them

Right now I need certain kind of friends…

Where are they?

Throughout the journey in the Holy land, we were together. And then they claimed they wanted to be “friends”.

But I have enough friends in the pursuit of pleasure. I have enough friends who listen, who know myself, who share my thoughts, who support my ideas, who know who I really am.

Right now I need friends who will bring me closer to You…

Embraced by the breeze

Haji itu Arofah. Sabda nabi Muhammad. Akhirnya aku membuktikannya.

Lama kunantikan hari itu datang. Wuquf di Arofah yang jatuh tepat di hari Jumat. Telah terlewati hari-hari penuh gairah ber-thawaf mengelilingi Ka’bah juga ziarah di Raudhah.

Jumat siang itu tak henti-henti dzikir dan doa dilafazkan. Bacaan Quran dilantunkan.

Lalu… sore itu tiba juga.Tak ada lagi jarak antara kita dan Allah. Kami memohon bersimbah air mata di padang pasir Arofah beratapkan langit luas. Katanya, di Arofah, Allah akan turun menemui kita.

Di tengah tangisan mohon ampunan, angin semilir berhembus merasuki seluruh raga dan jiwa.

Lewat angin itu, kurasakan Allah sedang memelukku. Dekapannya begitu erat, tangisku semakin kuat.

Lewat pelukan-Nya, perlahan kudengar Ia berbisik, “Hambaku yang penuh dosa, aku ampuni dirimu…” Dan aku terus menangis…

Arofah, 9 Dzulhijjah 1435 Hijri, 3 October 2014

Just when I shed my tears, the breeze moved pervading my flesh and soul

Through the breeze, I felt that God was embracing me. Her embrace was so tight, and my tears ran down faster

I heard she was whispering slowly, “my dear sinful servant, I forgive you…” and I kept weeping…

Women Liberation according to Islam, is there such thing?

Coming soon

Mingled with the conservatives

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, There is a field, I’ll meet you there (Rumi)

That is wrong, that’s what you say This is right, that’s what you preach No, don’t go that way, you say This is the one and only right way, you try to convince No more debate in this No more opinion, this is the hard fact Nothing’ s better than this piece of truth Do not even attempt to construe In the middle of these ripples I am just a tiny spume, and discrete The pietists and me; we are immiscible Forsaken in the middle of the crowd I challenge, I dispute, I doubt I look for something called the truth But all eyes see peculiarities So strange and do not belong to “us” It is not just another month spent in the holy land It is so fulfilling yet so empty It is so peaceful yet so uneasy It is so reassuring yet so intriguing Do not challenge, you say Lets embrace it wholly, immerse in it Do not question, just believe Submit… I find myself at a crossroads Still hesitant Surrender Or keep asking questions… Tangerang, 31 October 2014, 10.39 pm, 3 weeks after hajj

Blinded

I was just looking for the truth and you blinded me with the light

I was left all alone in a dark and empty tunnel

There you were trying to offer me flashlight

Shining at first yet it became so dull

What have they taught you?

Is it better to be blinded by the light or by the darkness?

Do you prefer to be blinded by science or by faith?

Blinded by the truth or by the lie?

Was it really your light or was it just your smile?

At the crossroads not knowing which turn should be chosen

You were sure that it was the right one

But my heart said otherwise

The left turn was always safer, my mind whispered

I am not afraid of the dark although you left me blinded

I am still searching for the light but it is not your light

For I believe one day the ray will find me in the middle of the darkest hour

It will illuminate with all its shines and I will irradiate back to it

And together we will shine