Own your story

It has been many years! I can’t believe I never had a chance to do journaling or updating this blog for more than four years now. A lot of things happened. I did a bit of journaling during our trip to Australia for my PhD graduation ceremony. And here it is the copy of some of it :))

Broadbeach, Gold Coast, 30 Dec 2019

We have planned this trip as an extension of my PhD graduation on 14 Dec 2019. A, Bella, and I flew here on 12 Dec and we stayed in an AirBnB apartment in Newstead. After the graduation, we make a road trip further up north to Mooloolaba, Sunshine Coast, continue to Bundaberg. We spend two nights on Fraser Island, and that is where we discovered Lake McKenzie. It is mesmerising and we love swimming and playing there. We wish we could stay longer.

On our way back to Brisbane,  we make a stop in a small town of Montville in the Glasshouse Mountains region, a nice place where the first Europeans settled in 1887! This town is nicknamed the “Swiss town” not because they have many Swiss immigrants, but because they have popular watch shops, chocolate, and lollies. We are lucky to get a little bit of taste of the Belgian waffle and Dutch poffertjes at Waffle-On and nice Aussie pizza at Montville Gourmet Pizzeria.

After A went back home, Bella and I stay for three nights in Newstead. I always love the vibes of Newstead, since it is close to the city, surrounded by modern cafes and restaurants at Gasworks, and most importantly only a short stroll to Brisbane Riverwalk, which stretches from Hamilton, Newstead, Teneriffe, and all the way to New Farm, which I adore sooo much. Walking or jogging alongside the Brisbane River always gives me a such indescribable feeling of calmness and tranquility.

 

 

Embraced by the breeze

Haji itu Arofah. Sabda nabi Muhammad. Akhirnya aku membuktikannya.

Lama kunantikan hari itu datang. Wuquf di Arofah yang jatuh tepat di hari Jumat. Telah terlewati hari-hari penuh gairah ber-thawaf mengelilingi Ka’bah juga ziarah di Raudhah.

Jumat siang itu tak henti-henti dzikir dan doa dilafazkan. Bacaan Quran dilantunkan.

Lalu… sore itu tiba juga.Tak ada lagi jarak antara kita dan Allah. Kami memohon bersimbah air mata di padang pasir Arofah beratapkan langit luas. Katanya, di Arofah, Allah akan turun menemui kita.

Di tengah tangisan mohon ampunan, angin semilir berhembus merasuki seluruh raga dan jiwa.

Lewat angin itu, kurasakan Allah sedang memelukku. Dekapannya begitu erat, tangisku semakin kuat.

Lewat pelukan-Nya, perlahan kudengar Ia berbisik, “Hambaku yang penuh dosa, aku ampuni dirimu…” Dan aku terus menangis…

Arofah, 9 Dzulhijjah 1435 Hijri, 3 October 2014

Just when I shed my tears, the breeze moved pervading my flesh and soul

Through the breeze, I felt that God was embracing me. Her embrace was so tight, and my tears ran down faster

I heard she was whispering slowly, “my dear sinful servant, I forgive you…” and I kept weeping…

All I Have to Do is Dream…

I am not a psychologist but I read Freud. His theory about dream tickles me. Freud said: Dream is a disguised fulfillment of a repressed wish. However, although I read the “Interpretation of Dream” (Die Traumdeutung), I cannot interpret my own dreams. Freud’s publication is dated back to 1889!!! Modern scientists came up with a different theory postulating dream as release of some chemical substance during Rapid Eye Movement (REM) phase of sleep. The chemical release substitutes the physical response of our bodies to the brain’s order because they are resting; the order would have been interpreted differently while we are awake.

I was always wondering about dream since I was a child. I was intrigued why people could experience something that did not happen or even never happened in real life. When I was 5 or 6 years old, I had repeating dreams about my father, my biological father whom I have never met in real life until now. I will never ever meet him, I guess. I had never told about my dreams to my mom, because I was sure that this would upset her. So if my late grandma or my mom asked me, “Did you have a dream? What was your dream about?” I would lie by replying, “I dreamed that mama and I fell down from Bajaj* to an open channel of drainage and domestic wastewater (trust me, it is very disgusting!). And they would laugh. I always responded with the same answer, I was not creative enough to make up other stories. They began to question why I kept having the same dream but of course, I was reluctant to explain…

The interesting thing is that I often dream about dead people, some are my close relatives and family like my late grandpa, my late grandma and my lovely daughter; but sometimes I also dream about someone who just passed away, even though I do not really know that person well. Scary, huh?

Well some muslims believe that sleeping is a dead phase where your soul leaves your body. During sleeping, the soul of living people have the opportunities to meet with the soul of the dead people. Those who already left this world are not able to speak – and even when they can, we, the living people cannot hear their voice. We and they simply live in two different worlds with a clear partition. But, if we dream about those who passed away and we communicate but do not speak to each other, it could mean that our souls reunite in the soul’s world. How beautiful!

Bread says: Dreams are for those who sleep, Life is for us to keep

but Laskar Pelangi says: Dreams are key for us to conquer the world.

I love dreaming. Sometimes if I wake up from a nice dream before it ends, I regret that I have to wake up too early and miss the rest of the good stories in my dream.

If I have a strong will to dream about something or someone (hmm), I will eventually dream about that a few days later. And then I will wake up happy…

Let’s go to bed tonight and dream of … New Zealand…

*Bajaj is a three-wheeled auto rickshaw imported from India