Women Liberation according to Islam, is there such thing?

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Why are Divorce Cases in Indonesia – and in the world Rising?

 

Why I picked this topic? I realized that I have at least two reasons NOT to write about it. Divorce is a gloomy thing to talk about and I am not an expert in this field. But this phenomenon: increasing divorce cases in Indonesia (well it is a global trend actually) attracts my curiosity. And as a 30 plus year old woman living in Megapolitan Jakarta,  I am surrounded by friends, colleagues and acquaintances and even my relatives and close family who have experienced divorce, and the number is increasing over time. Often times, the plot is usually similar: a good friend or an ex-colleague called me, texted me or emailed me and said, “Hey, Mamabella, let’s meet up”. I agreed and came to meet them and was ALWAYS surprised or even shocked that their intention to meet me was to inform me that they were no longer married aka divorced.

I know it must be an emotional moment. I have sympathy for them. But some of them, although admitted that it was a hard time, told me that they were happy or at least relieved that they finally got divorced. I am happy though, for those who are happy, because I believe that staying in an abusive marriage is even worse than getting divorced. Religions forbid or strongly oppose divorce. Ibn ‘Umar reported, The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allāh be on him, said “With Allāh, the most detestable of all things permitted is divorce.” It is permitted, but Allah hates it.

Another hadits is even more “intimidating”. Thaubān said, The Messenger of Allāh, peace and blessings of Allāh be on him, said:”Whatever woman asks for divorce from her husband without any harm, the sweet odor of paradise shall be forbidden to her.” It makes my flesh crawl just by reading it.

I know Catholics even does not allow divorce. It is basically impossible to file for divorce in Catholics dominated countries. In some countries, Ireland for instance, you can file for a nullity. It is one of the options to be adopted if one experiences breakdown marriage. However, the reasons for nullity have to be valid. Those valid grounds will include among others force or grave fear imposed on a person to obtain their consent; no intention,when marrying, to contract a lifelong relationship (Wikipedia on Nullity). Come on, those seem so absurd to me. It sounded like an artificial justification to get divorced. In this millennium? I thought forced marriage only took part in the so-called backward (forgive the language) culture in Indonesia centuries ago or in India and Pakistan. However, I respect those who agree to arranged marriage since my ancestors and great grandparents got married this way. Not to mention that today’s arranged marriage has considered a lot of aspects including the future bride’s opinion and consent.

I thought when people marry, there should be a mutual objective: to share the lifetime happily ever after. Til death do us part. I am a hopeless romantic, so I believe in fairytale. In Qur’an, marriage is described wonderfully in Surah Ar-Ruum verse 21: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” So muslims believe that affection and mercy come from Allah and hatred and negative feelings come from human. It is muslim’s interest to remain close to Allah so that He grants them with this affection and mercy. To be short, a muslim should marry based on Allah’s law. A marriage is not only a promise to human but a divine agreement. I guess that is also the same with other religions.

So, the first question. If a couple can be so in love for a period of time and they even have children as a symbol of their love, why do they decide to separate? Second, why are they so sure to get divorced from the partner, whom they had affectionately loved  before? Some even use children as an excuse, this is for the good of our children. I know. I may have an empathy to feel how one must terribly feel  to be separated from her/his used-to-be better half.  But I just don’t get – why?

Based on my experience listening to the stories of my closest circles, marriage with children has more probability to survive. Although that is not always the case. Lack of communication between partners sounds very cheesy, but yes I think that is a common trigger of divorce.

In 2007, the number of divorce cases in Indonesia has reached 200,000 a year, the highest in Asia Pacific (Source: Antara). Although maybe that is not the same case in terms of percentage to the total population, still it is a shocking figure. BBC also released a report on Indonesia’s dramatic divorce figures. Polygamy has become one of the grounds for the divorce. A decade after the reform era, the number of Indonesia’s divorce cases has soared  10 fold ever since. (Jakarta Post, 2009).

An interesting opinion in Jakarta Post, 2011 argued that economic problems account for 24% of divorce rate in Indonesia. A young man without a steady income is generally not capable to create a happy marriage. Irresponsible (usually) man who leaves his wife for a long time and sometimes marries another woman. This has resulted in 27% of divorce cases in 2010. The third possible cause of divorce is never-ending dispute between husbands and wives. This is so far the biggest driver of divorce, 40% of the cases in Indonesia are due to this factor.

The author, Rahmat Arijaya, a judge at the religious court in Cilegon has observed that people’s increased awareness and understanding of law has encourage married couples to go to court and file for divorce. This could be true recalling people who lived in the past were reluctant to go to the court for they had an impression that law is complicated and expensive. Older generations might also feel intimidated and ashamed of divorcee status – and long ago people who did not comply to “social rules” were often given social sanctions. Most people stayed in an unhappy marriage because they did not want to be judged bad by the society. (I don’t have data to support this hypothesis).

It is interesting to note that: Women have become aware of their legal right in marriage. According to this article, 57% cases in 2010 were filed by women.

Now, let us compare Indonesian situation with other world citizens. Global divorce rate is also increasing, notably in industrialized countries. In the US, according to Jennifer Baker of the Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield as quoted by Divorce Rate website, 50% of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. What a shocking figure!. There seems to be a correlation between the education level and independence of women to increasing divorce rate. Some studies indicate that the US is the country in which the highest number of divorces takes place.

However, UN’s statistics give different figures on divorce rate. Quoting the report, Huffington Post disclose countries with the highest divorce rates in the world. Those countries are: Russia (5 divorces per 1,000 people), Belarus (3.8/1,000), Ukraine (3.6/1,000), Moldova (3.5/1,000), Cayman Islands (3.4/1,000), United States (3.4/1,000), Bermuda (3.3/1,000), Cuba (3.2/1,000), Lithuania (3.1/1,000), and Czech Republic (3/1,000).

Another site, Divorce.com, has come up with slightly different statistics. This site announces a list of “Top 21 Countries with Highest Divorce Rates per Capita”. Below is the list:

1. Belarus 68%
2. Russian Federation 65%
3. Sweden 64%
4. Latvia 63%
5. Ukraine 63%
6. Czech Republic 61%
7. Belgium 56%
8. Finland 56%
9. Lithuania 55%
10. United Kingdom 53%
11. Moldova 52%
12. United States 49%
13. Hungary 46%
14. Canada 45%
15. Norway 43%
16. France 43%
17. Germany 41%
18. Netherlands 41%
19. Switzerland 40%
20. Iceland 39%

Interestingly, India is the lowest on the list, with mere one percent of divorce rate. Bravo, India! An analysis suggests that arranged marriage works perfectly in India. It is perceived as positive, because couples are likely to stick together in arranged marriage. (See: Why does India Have Such a Low Divorce Rate). That is not bad at all. Most Indians are fanatic Hindus who stick to the rule of fidelity and once in a lifetime concept of marriage. I admire people who are strong in their belief. Also, infidelity is seen as sin in India – not like in the US and some western countries, where people are becoming more permissive.

I wonder how high is the divorce rate in Indonesia compared to the rest of the world – using the same method to calculate the divorce percentage per population as shown above. Definitely not in top 50, I bet. I hope we can do something to prevent it. I do agree that divorce is not a black and white thing and we should not stigmatize divorcees. In one side, women’s independence from men is a good thing. But on the other hand, some studies revealed a quite strong connection between women’s increased education and higher number of divorces. So, feminism and women’s emancipation (ha-ha that is so our word!) can also be interpreted as positive in one sense and negative in another.

However, I believe that the intention and ultimate goal of women’s emancipation is to achieve a state of happiness – physically and mentally! Having said that, I also do not want to blame women’s equal rights in economy and law for causing increasing number of divorces. Women want to be treated equally. I have no conclusion on this matter. I am still thinking and contemplating. We all want affection, mercy and happiness, don’t we?

Disclaimer:

This post does not have intention to compare religions and pick the winning religion It is not to stigmatize divorcees. Yes ,maybe it has a little bit of generalization of some things – but not prejudice. It is very subjective; it is not intended to be scientific and objective.